Monday, August 4, 2008

When It Don't Come Easy

Yesterday little bug and I were driving to the bakery to deliver Jeremy some lunch. It was Sunday and he had a wedding cake to get out. As we were coming through Shell Beach the trusted ipod put on shuffle played Patty Griffin's "When it Don't Come Easy" from her album Impossible Dream. Now, I've never thought it was just coincidence that this album was released the exact month we got married. I remember its release because, since Patty is one of my favorites, we picked up her new CD on its release date while on our honeymoon in Ashfield, North Carolina. I remember liking the new album a lot, but not really loving it for the probably the first year I listened to it. Then, as Jeremy and I were nearing our 1st anniversary, I suddenly LOVED the album, especially the song "When it Don't Come Easy". I knew without a doubt, that the song was OUR song.

As I listened to the song closely yesterday while little bug dreamed away in the backstreet, the lyrics hit me once again. In the past 4 years I've listened to that song during all different seasons of our marriage--some good and some trying--and there are always different parts of the song that speak to me in different ways to match the season. This is the power of music for me and why I'll always be a lover of lyrics. Anyway, what struck me yesterday where these lines:

"I don't know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we're gonna ever get home

You're out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction

But if you break down
I'll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I'll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don't come easy"

Patty's words make some powerful statements to me when I think about my marriage, especially in our current season of trying to take care of an infant, learn how to be parents and face an uncertain future. Yesterday, while tearing up over this beautiful song and all it represents for me, it hit me like a ton of bricks how lucky I am to have someone willing to find me and save me. And Jeremy does these acts everyday in ways he doesn't even realize. He finds me when he looks at me and sees how tired I am from getting up with our little love all night and he saves me when he takes our wiggling worm of a son and tells me to go lay down to rest for a bit.

Jeremy and I are entering the "All the signs got blown away" season again...and while I'm not gonna sit here and paint a picture of our perfect marriage (there is no such thing), I am going to say that while things are hard and we don't always like each other like we should, I find a tremendous amount of solace and comfort when I look across the sofa and see my sweet husband's sleepy face staring back at me. Maybe it's the fact that I know he's tired too...or that he's the only person who really knows what I feel when Hayvn smiles at me because he feels it too. I know we've only got 4 years of this marriage thing under our belt, and that's really nothing. But in these 4 years we've faced some challenges that have pushed our marriage and our selves in some very difficult ways. But looking back now, I'm thankful for every challenge. I love our shared history. And I love knowing that no matter what, we've got a shared future too.

But in all honesty, I wish he'd shave the beard.